Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
