What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
