And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
