i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
