I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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