FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
