He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
