i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
