peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
