Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize