pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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