would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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