ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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