I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think weed is turning my hair brown
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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