i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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