My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
