so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
