I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
