Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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