bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
