i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
