I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Small penises have feelings too.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
