Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
