I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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