She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
