He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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