listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
