The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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