Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
