Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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