I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
