White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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