Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
