So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
