I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
