Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize