this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
