With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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