i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
