watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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