Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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