when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's official drugs can't kill me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize