I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
