so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize