my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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