was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
