shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
