Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
