It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
