if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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