i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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