While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
