so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize