Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
