Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
