apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
