I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
