He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
