I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
