At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
