i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
