need another drink. this is the easiest way
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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