Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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