There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
