I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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