It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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