how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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