brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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