"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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