Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
don't judge my taste in strippers
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
