dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
