Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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