I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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