Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
