I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
my liver is dry heaving
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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