Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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