you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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