I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
