i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
