Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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