Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
