you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize