sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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