On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
