I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
