UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
