just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
