So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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