well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Randomize