I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They took my balls.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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