I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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