I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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