I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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