It's Friday. Sex?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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