I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
