Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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