I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
