i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize