good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
