I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
