this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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